


I'm Sorry

by Snufflesw



Category: Phandom
Genre: I'm Sorry, I'm sorry again, M/M, Pastel Dan Howell, Pastel Dan and Punk Phil, Punk Phil Lester, Suicide Attempt, badum tishhh, badum tishhhh again, failing obviously, this sucks, triggering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-01
Updated: 2019-11-01
Packaged: 2021-01-16 12:15:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21270896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snufflesw/pseuds/Snufflesw
Summary: "i'm sorry, dan. i'm sorry i'm such a rubbish friend."





	I'm Sorry

**Author's Note:**

> this is literally the worst oneshot i've ever read and ever written, and that is saying a LOT.

It was a cold Saturday night in October. Dan Howell, who usually was on his happy days and always with a head up, had his head down as the hoo of his shirt was down his face, hiding it.

He was walking to his best friend's, and secretly crush's, apartment that they shared.

That friend was called Phil Lester.

Or "Philgon" as Phil's other friends usually called him.

Dan walked into the apartment, that would usually be filled with warmth and happiness.

But this wasn't a very happy day.

Neither for Dan or Phil.

Phil was sad because his hamster, Striker, died. 

(i'm sorry the people who came from the hat fic)

And Dan...

He was sad because Phil left.

After Striker died, Dan and Phil got into a fight. Which ended with Phil leaving the apartment for a while.

It's now been a week since Phil left, and Dan misses him so much.

His world was complete with Phil and with him gone...

Dan felt weak.

He slowly got into the hallway where he usually came when he needed a moment.

He shrunk to the floor and curled into a ball in the corner.

Sleep.

Dan got woken up by a glint of sunshine peeking through a small hole through the window.

He tiredly opened up his eyes, blinking frequently to get used to the very bright light.

Dan slowly sat up on the floor, still sitting in the corner of the hallway.

Life felt so useless without Phil by his side.

Dan wished Phil were there to hug him.

He needed the warmth of his best friend's arms in the cold morning.

Dan let his head hit the wall behind him, remembering the words Phil said to him before he left.

'The only reason I became friends with you was that you were bullied.' 

'I never liked being your friend.'

'My life would be easier without you.'

'I wish you never came into my life.'

'I wish you died.'

The memory was so clear, Dan remembered every movement Phil did.

How Phil slammed the door. How loud it was. How loud they could hear the glass vase in their apartment breaking.

But Phil couldn't hear how loud Dan's heart broke.

Dan felt tears starting to fall from his eyes. He felt like the worth of living was on the level zero.

"If you so wished I was dead, Philip", Dan whispered to himself. "I'll make your wish come true."

Dan slowly got up from the corner of the hallway and stood up. He slowly walked to the kitchen to find the cheapest knife he could find.

He searched through a bunch of drawers until he found a drawer that had a long cheap knife in it.

He studied the knife with a blurry sight. Dan saw himself in the reflection of the knife and it disgusted him.

'I am so ugly', Dan thought.

Dan closed his eyes, not wanting to see the sharp knife going through his chest, but instead...

He saw him and Phil.

The memories they had. 

When they played Mario Kart and Dan would win. Phil would always become annoyed and throw the control on the floor.

The three-hour breakfast they had and when Phil would usually steal Dan's cereal.

Oh, my did Dan hate it.

But Dan loved Phil.

More tears fell from his eyes.

If it wasn't because of Dan's love for Phil this wouldn't have happened.

'Dan! Don't!' a voice liked Phil's yelled in Dan's head.

That was until the voice got closer.

And closer...

The knife got snatched away from Dan's hands and he heard the knife fell to the floor.

Dan opened up his eyes, only to see tattoed arms around his waist and the knife laid on the floor.

He looked at the tattoed arms around his waist and he instantly recognized them.

"Phil", Dan whispered in a raspy voice.

"I'm here, Danny", Phil whispered back.

There was no question for Dan. He got out of Phil's grip and wrapped his arms around Phil's neck, hugging Phil with a tight grip.

Phil wrapped his arms around Dan's waist and hugged him with a tight grip on the younger boy.

Both boys crying into each other's shoulders.

Phil took Dan in between his legs and lifted him up. Dan wrapped his legs around Phil's torso and he couldn't help but let out a yelp.

After what felt like hours, both of the boys had to pull away from each other. Phil let Dan slide down on the ground in front of him. 

Both boys looked into each other's tear-stained eyes.

Phil was the first one to speak, "I'm sorry Dan. I'm sorry I'm such a rubbish friend." Phil looked down at the floor

"Phil", Dan said with a raspy voice, he took Phil's hand in his own making Phil look at him. "You shouldn't say sorry. I should say sorry. You're not a rubbish friend, you're amazing."

"But I..." Phil started. "I almost made you kill yourself."

"But you saved me from killing myself."

"I know but what if I would've come a little late-"

Dan didn't let him finish, instead, he tiptoed and smashed his lips against Phil's with his hands on Phil's cheeks.

Phil was surprised but soon melted into the kiss and placed his hands on Dan's waist, taking Dan by surprise.

Phil smirked against Dan's lips and Dan wrapped his arms around Phil's neck.

After a couple of minutes, they pulled away. They looked into each other's eyes and hugged each other.

"I'm sorry and I love you", Phil whispered in Dan's ear.

"I forgive you and I love you too", Dan whispered back.

**Author's Note:**

> If you ou thought this was going to be a whole book than HAH!!!!! No. I just started this idea on my notes app on my phone and I continued it on my Wattpad. YoU'rE wElCoMe!!!!
> 
> (((actual words i wrote on wattpad ew)))


End file.
